Nordstjernan

You know you've been in Sweden too long when ...
1. It's acceptable to eat lunch at 11 a.m.

2. You think Leif 'Loket' Olsson, reportedly back leading "Bingolotto," is entertaining.

3. You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage.

4. You associate pea soup with Thursday.

5. The first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/pharmacy is look for the queue number machine.

6. You accept that you will have to queue up to take a queue number.

7. A sharp intake of breath has become part of your vocabulary, as has the sound "ahh."

8. You associate Friday afternoon with a trip to systembolaget.

9. You think nothing of paying $50 for a bottle of 'cheap' spirits at systembolaget.

10. Silence is fun.

11. Your native language has seriously deteriorated; you begin to "eat
medicine" and "hire videos."

12. Your front door step is beginning to resemble a shoe shop.

13. When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
a. he is drunk
b. he is insane
c. he is American
d. he is all of the above

14. You stay home on Saturday night to watch Bingolotto.

15. It seems sensible that the age limit at Stockholm night clubs is 23 or 25.

16. The reason you take the ferry to Finland is:
a. duty free vodka
b. duty free beer
c. to party

17. The only reason for getting off the boat in Helsinki is to eat pizza.

18. It no longer seems excessive to spend $200 on alcohol in a single night.

19. The fact that all of the v's and the w's are together in the phone
directory seems right.

20. You care who wins "Expedition: Robinson."

21. Your old habit of being "fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.

22. You no longer see any problem wearing white socks with loafers.

23. You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get drunk."

24. You are no longer scared of volvos and volvo drivers.

25. You have your own innebandy club.

26. You enjoy the taste of surströmming.

27. You find yourself staying away from debating any serious politics.

28. You use "mmmm" as a conversation filler.

29. An outside temperature of 45 degrees Fahrenheit is mild.

30. When someone asks for "three cheers," you say "hoorah, hoorah, hoorah, hoorah."

31. You wear sandals with socks.

32. You eat jam with savory dishes.

33. You have only two facial expressions, smiling or blank.

34. You think riding a racing bike in the snow is a perfectly sensible thing to do.

35. You think it's more fun to stay at home and drink than go out.

36. You wear warm clothing when it's 75 degrees plus in April—because it's April.

37. You wear shorts and t-shirt when it's barely 10 degrees in July—
because it's July.

38. You get extremely annoyed when the bus is two minutes late.

39. You think women are more than equal to men and deserve better positions in the work place.

40. Your wife watches TV while you look after the kids.

41. You become a punctuality freak and dump your friends for being late more than once.

42. You spend the week's entertainment budget on a pack of cigarettes and a drink in Gamla Stan.

43. When a stranger asks you a question in the streets, you think it's
normal to just keep walking, saying nothing.

44. You've been engaged for four years and don't have any plans to get married.

45. Americans start to look entertaining, witty and fun, and you just want to go to the U.S. and travel cross country on a Greyhound, because it's "romantic."

46. You and your friends know exactly the same information and have the same attitudes and beliefs in the value of Social Democracy.

47. You lose any artistic talent whatsoever.

48. Most of your friends have the same names and you must use both names to distinguish between them.

49. You wear a dress or skirt over your trousers and combine them with training shoes. (This is especially problematic if you're male.)

50. You jot down "fisk fingrar" on your shopping list.

51. You no longer look for peanut butter on supermarket shelves, even if it's your first time in that particular store.

52. You get to the movies early so that you can watch the commercials.

53. Your wardrobe now consists of 20 different shades of black and grey.

54. You get excited watching a bunch of lame "celebrities" on a fortress island playing games that are about as intelligent as mud wrestling.

55. You look forward to the next program about practical jokes done on lame celebrities/has-beens by other lame celebrities who don't really deserve air time.

56. It doesn't feel like lunch unless it's a hot, full course meal drenched in gravy.

57. You eat unlimited amounts of sausage products without worrying about your nitrate intake.

58. You think that an unripe wedge of tomato on a limp leaf of iceberg lettuce can be called a salad.

59. You don't question the concept of "telephone time."

60. It seems reasonable that no business can be conducted on Friday
afternoons, Saturdays, Sundays (or the entire month of July).

61. You assume that anyone who apologizes after bumping into you is a tourist.

62. You reach for your pocket 20 times a day as mobile phones ring all around you.

63. You actually care if your mobile phone meets the fashion standard —and so do your new Swedish friends!

64. It seems reasonable that even those asking you for money at the train station reach for their pockets as the melodic music of the Swedish mobile phone resounds.

65. You get into a Mercedes taxi cab and think nothing of it.

66. Paying $5 for a cup of coffee seems reasonable.

67. You understand that when a colleague asks you out for "a drink," it will probably be a long night with a severe hangover the next day.

68. You start to think that having a sauna in the nude with a bunch of
strangers is a necessary part of daily life ... and a necessary part of
business.

69. You believe that when you finally win your Nobel Prize, it is best to be modest and say, "Oh really, it was nothing!"

70. You get offended if, at a dinner party, someone fails to look you in the eyes after raising their glass for a toast.

71. Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.

72. You become extremely skilled at assembling pre-packaged furniture kits.

73. Candles are a permanent fixture on your weekly shopping list.